| Why is it that problems always intensify and exceed your ability to deal with them? More than that why is it that they always have to be things you couldn't control in the first place?
Mom's probably going to lose the house . . . I have only a week to find someplace new to live . . . and this is on top of everything else that's happened . . . I can't deal with even one thing because there is some much else wrong . . .
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| Religion and God are funny things . . .
I can tell you about years when I relied heavily on God to sustain me . . . yet I had no professed belief. Not that I could have denied God's existence or assistance, even then. Then I had years when I tried, I tried so hard to force myself into a mold of Christian beliefs . . . yet that didn't really work either . . . I just ended up feeling like something was missing. So at some point I stopped, and the feeling went away. I didn't feel like I was missing something all the time . . . though I grew more distant from God and occasionally I felt pangs pulling me back towards God. And it is so hard to have an undefined belief in God, and still maintain a relationship with God.
Now I am reading a book The Case For Christ. It is a well-written thorough relatively unbiased (admittedly there is a small bias) book going through the evidence and arguments for and against Jesus as the messiah, his resurrection, ect.
And you know I'm somewhat inclined to disbelieve it, but not because of the well thought out arguments and logical evidence. I have other far stupider reasons. First, because nothing fit last time I tried to believe in everything. Second, call me strange but God makes sense, the holy spirit makes sense, but what exactly happens with Jesus? He still remains the one stubborn piece of the puzzle that just doesn't fit. And lastly, there is perhaps one thing I currently do that accepting this may or may not force me to cease doing . . . and I would rather not stop. ( I know that is horribly selfish sounding but my reasons are not entirely selfish . . . )
. . . and I decided I didn't want to be Christian anymore because I could seem to figure out the whole Jesus thing . . . I was trying to be more honest by not professing something I wasn't sure I completely believed in . . .
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f I went back who's to say it wouldn't be a repeat of last time?
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| There a song I like by Relient K called "What have you been doing lately". Well I suppose I'm not as "bad" as the people in the song . . . but it could be describing me a bit. I've changed a lot.
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| It's SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well kind of anyway, still . . .
SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!
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